BDSM – what does that even mean?
Bondage, Domination-Discipline, Submission-Sadism and Masochism. BDSM is an erotic art and so is Tantra. Interesting, isn’t it? Both practices have the ability to create intense sensations. Both seek ecstasy. A world full of possibilities. Personally I love the integration of BDSM and Tantra.
Over 60% of people fantasise about BDSM according to the latest research conducted by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, and it is one of the top three fantasies. This is really encouraging and you are not the only one
Scenes are always negotiated. I practice according to these rules: safe, sane and consensual, risk aware consensual kink. Safe – no harm is done. Sane – not being under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Consensual – participants agree to the activity, no coercion or manipulation. Risk aware – we agree that some practices may carry physical or emotional risks and safety measures are in place.
The tools and toys I use are the ones I am confident using, so you are in safe hands.
Pain for example isn’t always part of the play. The range of activities is wide, from mild to more intense. It is your choice. Some people like mild pain, some prefer sensation play with/without bondage. The latter can be pain free. S/M scenes involve pain. Bondage, discipline, domination, submission can be without.
It is all about a power exchange. A power exchange has many different levels. It can be verbal or physical, it can be subtle or not so subtle. I would press the fact that the submissive is always in control and has the power to change or modify agreements during the session. Should a more serious issue arise the sub can terminate the scene at any time.
Example of a power exchange: It can be as simple as this using words, commands, positions such as: ‘Lie down, don’t move, don’t touch me’ or ‘I tie you up and/or blindfold you. You aren’t allowed to make any noises unless I give you permission to do so,’
Adding other forms of restraints such as hogties, ropes or cuffs, sensation tools or humiliation/interrogation play are optional. The possibilities are endless.
I believe the majority of us have a darker sexual side. Personally I have many curiosities that I am happy to explore as I go. They can also change over the course of life. The play is just fun. Is it kinky, does it fall under the BDSM category? Yes, maybe, so what?
That leads me to reflect on ‘categorizing’ or ‘labelling.’ Is it necessary to put a label on it? Most things are just lovely, and ultimately we are engaging in specific activities for pure pleasure.
I am an advocate of not denying oneself any BDSM/kink/fetish urge or calling, especially if it lingers in the background for a long time. Suppression only leads to suffering or damage in other areas of life. Unmet sexual needs cause problems!
I believe there is definitely a therapeutic aspect that is still underestimated in the field of counselling and psychology. Much healing and liberation can be achieved by delving into BDSM/kink/fetish. There is a sense of wholeness. The discovery never stops, which makes life exciting. I encourage you to be who you want to be. It is my mission to guide you to a place of Sexual Self Realisation.
“Social scientists have long known that sexual fantasies go hand in hand with feelings of guilt and anxiety, having published dozens of academic journal articles over the years supporting this conclusion” – Wegner, D.M., Schneider, D.J., Carter, S.R., & White, T.L. (1987). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 5-13.
There is certainly some truth to this quote.